Mommy

During this Christmas break, I had the chance to spend a good deal of time with my children, which was wonderful. Children have a way of making you feel so loved and so needed. This is a wonderful thing, but at times this is also overwhelming. All weekend I heard three crying voices
"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!"
"I need you, Mommy!"
"Look, Mommy!"
"Mommy, What's That?"
"Mommy, it's a cow."

I was feeling like I didn't want to be needed, like I just wanted some time to myself. I didn't want to hear "Mommy." But then, I heard something I hadn't before. "Mom, I need a drink of water, Mom."

Since when did my soon-to-be-4-year-old make a switch from "Mommy" to "Mom". Not only did he use it this once, but he seemd to be intentionally making the switch. "Mommy, I'm... MOM, I'm all done."

I was surprised at how I reacted. I felt heartbroken. This represented some kind of a milestone in his life, his growing independence. I was expecting this from a teenager, maybe a 10-year-old - not a 4-year-old!

Now I will cherish every time he slips up and lets out a "Mommy, I need you."

My Quest for Automation

How do I know that I am a super geek? Well let me just tell you about the ways I automate my life. I built a database application to plan my wedding. I built software to track all of my contacts, addresses, christmas card lists, remind me of birthdays and the names of my friends's children. I made an application for tracking my recipes, meal plans, generating a weekly menu, and generatting my grocery shopping list.

Now, I don't have my curtains and lights hooked up to a single remote control as some of my geeky electrical engineering friends, but that is only because I don't know how.

I believe that everything that can be automated, should be automated. I would love it if my refrigerator could automatically detect when food has gone bad and throw it out for me. It should buy me a replacement while its at it.

What is such a paradox about who I am is that at the same time, I prefer to make my own candles, crochet my own afghan, and hand craft my own birthday cards. Clearly, it is much less efficient to do these things by hand when there is mass production equipment out there to do these things more quickly and more cheaply.

Maybe it is not such a paradox after all. Maybe I just like to make things. Maybe creating a Meal Planning software is just an electronic manifestation of my need to do crafts. Maybe writing a VBA procedure to email me my grocery list is not so different from figuring out how to do a dcfps (double crochet front post stitch).

Smalltalk

What do you think employees talk about on the elevator ride at the National Weather Service?

Total Cost of Ownership

In the past few years, I have evolved in a new approach to buying clothes. Total Cost of Ownership (TCO). Maybe this is coming from my years of software development and evaluating every design decision on how it will affect maintenance cost of the software. Now, when making fashion design choices, instead of just looking at the price tag, I look at the "care" tag.

If it has a "Dry Clean Only", I think "I have to add $8 a month onto my total cost of ownership. Now, this wool suit that is on sale for $60 doesn't look like such a great deal if it will cost me $156 in the first year. If a sweater says "Hand Wash Only", I think about the opportunity cost of owning these clothes. That is 1 hour a month that I can't spend with my kids just to own this piece of clothing. Since 1 hour with my kids is priceless, I guess it makes this sweater more than I have in the bank. Okay, I am taking this to the extreme here.

My favorite solution to these TCO woes is the wash and wear suit. These have popped up all over the place lately. You can get a perfectly good suit with lining and all that you can just throw in the washer and dryer. It is the best! I've found them at JC Penney's, Kohls, and some catalogues. I will have to see how fast they depreciate. That could affect my whole TCO calculation!

This whole TCO perspective does making shopping a little more complicated. Maybe that's a good thing because one thing I'm sure I don't need is any incentives to go shopping.

Bloggers Block

I know I have been completely inactive lately. The truth is that I've had bloggers block. (And I had only just gotten started!)

I dwell on "Is what I am saying worthwhile?" "Will it be held against me later in my life?" "Am I going to offend?"

Which is wierd because maybe only one or two people are actually reading this.

Anyway, I'm going to try again and see how it goes.

"I'd Shoot Myself" and Other Truths We Don't Need to Hear

So, today I am sitting at McDonald's with my three wonderful children enjoying a nice healthy meal when in walk three seemingly nice old ladies. The conversation goes as usual.
-"Are they triplets?"
"No, twins and a 3-year-old."
-"This one has brown eyes and this one has blue eyes."
"Yep"
-"They must be a handful."
"Yep."
Then, as they were walking away, one of the ladies says "I'd shoot myself!" Now, is this supposed to be some kind of a dig or some kind of a compliment? Why does this person feel that it is acceptable to say in not so many words: "I'd hate to have your life." In front of my three little angels no less.

This appears to be the same flavor of person that walks into my office and tells me "You look tired today." Thanks. What in God's name makes you think that I want to hear this first thing in the morning? Especially if I am tired! There are some truths that don't need to be pointed out.

What ever happened to the little white lie? Or better yet - if you don't have something nice to say, say nothing at all. I don't know about you, but I don't need to hear an unsolicited "What happened to your hair?" I wish these self-appointed truth-tellers would show a little restraint and keep their thoughts to themselves.

Wedding Advice

This is some wedding advice that I recently sent to a dear friend...

• Enjoy the Process. You only get to do this once. You will always remember it. Allow yourself the time to linger through bridal shops, taste cakes, and smell the flowers. Knowing you, time is your most precious commodity. When you are setting your budget, make sure to budget yourself time; time that you can spend without feeling like you should be working on lesson plans or research or cleaning or working out.
  


• You will not be able to please everyone. Especially your mother. Regardless of what you do, some people are going to be unhappy. Whether they don't look good in the "green" which was your color of choice for bridesmaid dresses, or they find it inconvenient to travel to the cape for a weekend, or they don't agree with your menu - people are going to diapprove of some of your choices for the wedding. This will be especially true for your mother - for any mother. It is inevitable. Expect it. Accept it. Find a way to cope with it and not let it get you down.


• No matter what you choose, your bridesmaids will probably not wear the dress a second time. Everyone I know tries to find something pracitcal that "people will be able to use again". Maybe that happens once in a blue moon for one of the bridesmaids, but I haven't seen it yet. I would just focus on finding something you like that will look good in your pictures!
  


• Remember it is just a wedding, your marriage is more important. Planning a wedding is so much work and it is such a big day, but you have to keep it in perspective. Regardless if you stain your dress, or the food is bad, or the weather is terrible - you will still be married that day, and that is the important thing.
  


• Find a good photographer and find them early. In the end, this is what you will have to remember the wedding. You will hand these pictures down to your kids. Think about what's important to you: do I want lots of portraits? lots of candids? something artsy? do I want to spend lots of time posing? is it important that the photographer is not intrusive? do I want digital format to keep? black and white? etc. Good photographers always get booked far in advance.
  


• Practice your hair in advance. Your hair will be in all those pictures forever. On the day of your wedding, you won't have time to make lots of changes. Try out your hairstyle in advance so you know you will like it.


• Set a realistic budget for yourself and then don't feel guilty about the money you spend. Benchmark what other people "actually" spent. Give yourself a realistic budget and then grant yourself permission to spend that money without guilt.
  


• Find some way to include your fiancee's parents in the process. I think this is one of the hardest things. There are so many things you want to do a particular way and then so many more demands on you from friends and family. Remember that you are becoming part of these people's family and that this event sets the stage in a lot of ways for how you will relate. Find out what is important to them and try to carve out a way for them to be involved that fits within your boundaries. Depending on their expectations, it can be a pretty tricky line to find, but it is important because they will not forget if they feel snubbed.
  


• If you have expectations for other people, let them know. Don't assume that your bridesmaids will know that you didn't want a bachelorette party at strip clubs, but instead wanted a quiet weekend retreat. If you have something specific in mind, let people know. If you end up disappointed, nobody is going to feel good about the situation.


• Write down a schedule for the "wedding weekend" and share it with all participants. Everybody will be happier knowing what to expect. It also gives you a reality check on your time line.
  

My Goals for This Blog

Even though I mostly just started this blog because my sister had one, my type-A personality leads me to document my goals and objectives. I even feel compelled to make a bulleted list! I think I will try and write about any areas where I think I have something to add to the blogosphere

• music,
  
• geeky software stuff,
  
• raising three boys,
  
• politics,
• making jewelry and crafts
  

... what have I left out?

My goal is to say something interesting with a little bit of humor. I would like to share a different perspective on the world in general...make myself think...challenge myself to present my ideas without pretention and arrogance, or, when I am in a lighter mood, just write about meaningless fun things like how to make whipped candles.

Just Getting Started

I think I know so much. I guess it is time to start sharing it with the rest of you.